Childfree and Proud of It

[redheadedfemme]

What a wonderful article.

I'd like to repost the writer's responses to typical childfree objections. If you read them with an open mind, you'll see how much sense they make. After all, why should it matter to anyone else if someone chooses not to have children?

1. “You’ll change your mind.” I am nearly 35 years old. I’m pretty sure that 1) I know my own mind at this point, and 2) Don’t you think that if I wanted children, it would have happened by now? Other CFers prefer to say: “When did you know you wanted children? You’ll change your mind.”

2. “Just wait until your biological clock starts ticking.” I think mine is busted. I don’t hear it. At all. Other CFers resent the implication they are nothing but the sum of their hormones and answer this question accordingly.

3. “Your dogs are child substitutes.” No, they’re dogs. I am not going to drive them into therapy if I say in a baby voice, “Dog #1, you’re just the stupidest dog ever! Yes! Ever ever! And, Dog #2, you eat poo! You are so gross! You’re the grossest thing ever!” Instead of developing parent-induced Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, they wag at me and get wound up. They cheerfully sleep in their crates at night. I can’t be sure, but I have heard that Child Protective Services doesn’t like it when you keep your kids in a crate.

4. “You’ll regret it.” Here’s where being familiar with the psychological literature helps. Actually, studies have found that childfree couples are extremely happy and do not regret their decision, as long as they agree on being childfree. The sum happiness of many couples goes down when there are children in the house and doesn’t rise again until after the children leave. Besides, I would rather regret not having children than regret having them.

5. “You’re selfish.” So you had your kids solely because you wanted to benefit society and not because you wanted them? How sad.

6. “You’re not truly an adult until you have children.” Part of being an adult means taking a realistic appraisal of your abilities, wishes, dreams,
and talents. Adults think through decisions before they make them and they do not do things just because they are “supposedta.”

7. “Who is going to take care of you when you’re old?” If you’re having kids for social insurance, I think you’ll be disappointed. Such elder worship is not the culture of the USA. We throw away our elderly just like we throw away razor blades.

8. “You must hate children.” No. Some childfree hate children, just like some of us hate peas. I like children. I work with them. Therefore, I know how hard it is to be a good parent. I like children enough that I would not want to give them a mother or father who doesn’t really want them.

9. “What if your mother said that?” Then you’d be standing here talking to yourself. That would have been her right.

10. “You’re just doing this so you can live high on the hog/buy that Porsche.” You obviously haven’t seen the new Porsche Cayman, otherwise you would understand my viewpoint better. Seriously, though, why is it wrong to take into account finances anyway? If I can’t afford it, why do you want me to have children I can’t afford? Telling me “you’ll find the money” is not a logical strategy. Sure, I could find the money for something I really wanted to do. I could work two jobs. But money is a limited resource. It goes to things that are important to me. If my relationship is of #1 importance, and my relationship is strengthened traveling to the Great Wall of China, I’m investing in my relationship. Besides, how am I more materialistic than parents who buy Dolce & Gabanna outfits and Chanel diaper bags for their children?

There you go. This is why I like my cats.